Self esteem is about you as a person, a unique individual. For over 50 years, researchers have identified and written about the link between building self esteem and achieving success.
Beginning with Solley & Stagner (1956) it is well documented that there is a close positive relationship between our levels of self esteem and success.
By building self esteem we are laying a good foundation on which to build increased success into every area of our lives.
That is not to say that success will only be possible if we have a healthy self esteem.
Not at all. People with low self esteem can still be successful.
Pure talent will often make up for low self esteem. However, people with a high self esteem will always find ways to succeed, because they will develop their skills and talents.
What is Self Esteem Mean?
Self esteem comes from a Greek word meaning “reverence for self”.
Here are some factors that contribute to our self esteem.
There are overlaps between these factors, but they all contribute in some way to how worthy, lovable and capable we think we are.
Note that self esteem is not the same as self confidence.
Self esteem is about you as a person whereas self confidence is about what you are able to do.
Self confidence is related to things such as your skills and abilities and how well you can do them.
- Self Esteem Is:
- What we believe about ourselves together with we hear others say about us and whether or not we accept their opinions – our worthiness or value as a person.
- The amount of influence we believe we have over our lives and our future – our sense of control.
- A sense of belonging and acceptance among peers and loved ones – our lovability.
- Our sense of competence, that is, how good we believe we are at doing everyday tasks – our capability.
An easy-to-read definition comes from The National Association for Self-Esteem:
The experience of being capable of meeting life’s challenges and being worthy of happiness.
This is closely related to the concept of success.
What is Success?
There are many definitions but put simply, success is related to satisfying our inner desires and meeting expectations.
The expectations are a mixture of what we set for ourselves and those set for us by our boss, family and friends in our work and social lives.
10 Steps to Building Self Esteem
- Stop Comparing Yourself with Others
There will always be other people who have more than you. Some will have less. Instead, decide on some key expectations for yourself and measure up against them, not against other people.
- List and Celebrate Your Positive Qualities
- Do you help others?
- Always tell the truth?
- Are you creative?
Write these qualities on a list and put it where you will see it daily. Keep the list up to date.
Do not focus on those qualities that are less than ideal. Instead, apply the next tip.
- Read Self Esteem Books
And listen to self improvement audio programs and attend workshops in your area.
What you spend quality time doing will start to positively affect your attitude and behavior.
Reading about, listening to and participating in self improvement activities will greatly improve your chances of achieving your goals.
Set aside some special time each week to learn more about this important topic.
You might also like to read about goal setting tips.
- Stop Negative Thoughts About Yourself
One of the biggest barriers to building self esteem is constant negative thoughts about yourself and your abilities.
Speak positive and uplifting words to yourself. Do it when you are alone, speak them out loud.
When others might hear, it is quite alright to speak to yourself in your mind.
You may want to check out the Inspirational Quotes page for some great starters.
To help with the above tip, write on a small card some of the words that mean the most to you and carry it with you.
Every time you pull out your purse or wallet, make sure the card is in the way so that you are reminded of the positives.
- List Your Achievements
If you are still finding it difficult to think of positive things, list your achievements.
Completing school, having children, learning to ski, getting that job, fixing a tap.
It does not have to be a massive task nor something that makes it onto the evening news, just a personal achievement. Write them down as repeat steps 4 and 5.
- Let Your Home Be Your Castle
If you cannot change things the way you would like, set aside a small area in your home where you can retreat and quietly work on these action steps.
If this is just not possible, find a place outside that will do.
Visit this place as often as you can and need to, but do try to spend at least 10 minutes a day there.
- Hang Around with Positive People
If you hang around with people who are often talking about negative things or complaining, it will drain your energy.
Positive people will understand your self improvement journey and be more likely to encourage you.
- Sign Up to a Personal Coaching Program
Personal coaches can often help you get past a barrier much faster than if you are doing it on your own. You can even engage an online personal coach.
- Email a Link to This Page/Website to a Friend Now
Helping others to improve their life is one sure way to help ourselves.
Knowing that we have played a part in improving another person’s life means a great deal to us and it can contribute towards building self esteem, sometimes more than we could ever hope or dream of – Juice Newton Reviews
Do something every day that results in building self esteem.
Raise your self esteem and you’ll improve your life.
How to Build and Improve Self Confidence?
Confidence skills can be learned and building self confidence is something you can achieve.
- What are the benefits of having a high level of self confidence?
You can experience greater fulfillment in personal relationships, higher levels of success at work and have an overall better feeling about yourself and your life.
Self confidence and self esteem are closely related.
You can have one without the other but they do tend to work better together.
After you have read this page, take some time to read about building self esteem.
There are at least five ways that self confidence manifests in our lives.
Each of these elements contribute to your level of confidence.
- They Are:
- How we act in social situations.
- How we act with our peers.
- How we treat others of different status than ourselves.
- How we respond to performing in front of others.
- How we think of ourselves.
How we think and behave in these five areas will have a big impact on our level of self confidence.
Let’s take a brief tour of each of these five elements of confidence.
Developing all five will greatly enhance our self confidence.
Even developing just one element at a time will be beneficial for building self confidence.
- Confidence in Social Situations
Being confident socially helps us to be ourselves when talking with one or more other people.
Whether it is at a party, with a small group of friends after work or with a total stranger, social confidence will allow us to share our thoughts and feelings in a way that helps build relationships.
With a healthy level of social confidence we can enjoy the presence of others and others will enjoy being in our presence.
- Building Social Confidence Skills
While there is no magic solution to building self confidence, there are some things that can be done on a self-help level. Practice these things and you will begin to develop better social confidence skills.
- Be Aware of Your Own Mood and Feelings
When a mood or feeling takes you by surprise, make time to think about what triggered your response. Try to understand why you think or feel the way you do about situations you encounter in life.
Don’t dwell on any failures of the past, rather use awkward social experiences as a prompt to dig deeper into your our emotions.
When you understand more about how you react to certain situations you will be better able to manage your reaction and discuss the same type of situation in a more mature manner.
- Be Aware of and Respect the Mood and Feelings of Others
Stepping on the feelings of others and not respecting their mood is not going to help.
Although you do not want to attend any pity parties, being aware of others mood and feelings and responding in a gentle manner will demonstrate that you care.
Showing that you care will lead to others being more open.
They will lay out their thoughts and feeling knowing that you will not trample all over them.
Use this to build and strengthen the relationship.
Show other people that you can be trusted with their feelings and thoughts and will greatly improve your own social confidence.
- Live in the Present
Dwelling on the past, especially past failures and bad experiences, is a guaranteed way of damaging relationships. Although your own feelings and emotions need to be respected, there is no need to keep going over old ground.
Friends usually have the capacity to hear you share about your past, but no one wants to stay back there. Bring your life into the present and focus on the positive aspects of the future.
Share your current successes and future hopes and dreams.
You will not only be doing yourself a favor, you will be helping others along the self-development path.
- Be Open
As relationships develop, be prepared to open up more of yourself.
Keep the above dot point in mind and limit the past negatives to a few.
If they serve as a marker in your life and help demonstrate just how far you have developed then do include them.
Share more of your inner desires and dreams as you get to know people.
Being open and honest about who you are and where you plan to go shows a personal level of commitment to a relationship. It can also help you to fine-tune your life as others reflect on who you are and where you are going. It is like a reality check.
Letting others into your life is as refreshing as opening the doors and windows after a long cold winter.
It not only lets in the fresh air, but as the light shines in, you become aware of those things that need attention.
Some things need to be dusted. You might even find some things that need to be thrown out as they were there just to provide you comfort during the long winter.